All the Way

'What would a middle years student need with a book entitled All the Way: Sex for the First Time?' some of you might ask. 'After all, we're dealing with mainly 10 to 13-year-olds, not high school students.' One approach Martyn, a Toronto-based sexual health educator for some 20 years, uses to get her book's content across is that of answering real questions. And so a grade six student asks, 'How do you know when the right time to have sex is?' while a grade seven student poses the questions, 'How do you make sure you get the right opening?' Admittedly, most of the book's questions to come from older teens, but that doesn't mean that this book can't have a place in a school's professional library to assist teachers, especially those teaching sex ed., in responding to questions students raise. Martyn's tone comes across like that of the older, nonjudgmental sibling we all likely wished we had when we were in our early adolescence and needed someone to whom we could safely go when we had unanswered questions about sex. Describing Martyn as not being judgmental is not to say she's without her own opinions. She has them and candidly shares them. Unlike many teen-focused sex ed. books, Martyn's doesn't begin with the mechanics of sex, birth control or preventing STD's (although she does cover these topics). Instead, she starts by asking some key questions teen need to ask themselves in order to help ascertain if they are/aren't ready to have intercourse. She also addresses both genders about dealing with being pressured into having sex as well as responding to abuse. Martyn's penultimate chapter, 'For Parents and Others (Who Won't Be There),' is one that teachers might wish to share with some parents. The final chapter, 'Still Wondering ... More Info,' is a bibliography containing hot-lines, websites and books. The book ends with a glossary of both sex slang and standard English terms.

All The Way: Sex for the First Time by Canadian sexual health educator Kim Martyn is an important new resource. Unlike many books about youth sexuality, it tells the truth to teens and parents. ... Martyn's book cuts through the haze of school board bureaucracy to get to the core of the matter. What do teens need to know about sexuality and when should they know it? ... Most kids will not know the stuff that's in this book by age 13 or 14, but perhaps they should. Martyn notes that most girls who wish they had waited longer before going all the way experienced first intercourse at 13 to 15 years of age. Would a book like this have helped them make different choices? ... The reality is that about half of Canadian 17-year-olds have had vaginal intercourse. Martyn provides honest information to real people with real questions and real decisions to make. ... This book promises and delivers the information needed to prepare to have sex for the first time. Martyn's aim is twofold: to assist teens to anticipate most of the possible outcomes of becoming sexually active, and to provide information they must have to create positive sexual experiences for themselves and their partners. She is committed to helping young people make first time and subsequent sex as pleasurable and safe as possible. The 'how to ...' and 'will it, like, hurt?' chapters are full of information kids really want to know. Here are the answers to the questions they've been dropping in the anonymous question box for decades.

I sat down with Lesie, her daughter Tess and neighbour Cloe to discuss the book.

The Mom: [liked] that the book was "fresh and different than other things" she's read and "so non-judgemental, factual and objective." She loved the discussion in the parent section about sleepovers with boyfriend/girlfriends, supplying condoms, sharing experiences and having sex too young. 'Lots to think about.'

The Teens: Tess, 15 and a half, is in Grade 10 and has been thinking a lot about sex lately. Chloe, almost 14, is in Grade 9 and has not been thinking a lot about sex. ... Both girls realy liked the cartoons and the book's general sense of humour. The fertility awareness information was 'new' to both of them and 'really interesting.' Martyn does a good job of tuth telling about the 'fertile window' during the menstrual cycle. She writes, 'We lie to youth when we say a woman can get pregnant any day of the month.' Girls have a right to this information and it did not go unnoticed by these young readers. ... They both said some of their friends are having sex but they are not talking about it or sharing information with each other. Most of their knowledge about sexuality to this point has come from magazines and television shows. ... Both agreed that 'boys have anxieties too.'

The final comment comes from Leslie. "If all you felt you could do as a parent was give this book to your teen, you'd be doing something really valuable and important."

excerpt: ... Parents can give this book to teens without worrying that it will give them the message that they should have sex. They will know their teen has gotten sound information that will help them make positive sexual choices.

review (shortened):

Kim Martyn, a Toronto sexual health educator, has written a sex book for teens that acknowledges that half of adolescents have sexual intercourse while they're high school age. ... The aim of this book is to help teens (male and female) decide when the time is right for them to have intercourse and to make that first time rewarding and safe. ...

The indexed book covers what actually happens when people have intercourse, other sexual activities, virginity, birth control, where to have sex, sexual assault, and sexually transmitted infections. It is liberally sprinkled with questions and comments from teens. She takes most of these questions seriously and answers them well. ... There is a chapter for parents on practical issues (such as should your teen's boyfriend or girlfriend sleep over?) and communication. Line drawings throughout the book add information and keep the tone light.

... Parents can give this book to teens without worrying that it will give them the message that they should have sex. They will know their teen has gotten sound information that will help them make positive sexual choices.